BONUS: Puss in Boots (1988) starring Christopher Walken

Wow, it's been a long time since I watched a movie from my Drive-In Classics DVD set. I blame the rise of streaming video. With every movie ever made available at the click of a button, it's harder to find the motivation to watch Zombie Picnic or whatever when I know I could be watching a true classic.

But here's something I watched recently, on DVD even. It's an obscure, low-budget movie. And it was part of a three-movie DVD I bought for about $2 at 7-11. So it's certainly in the spirit of this blog.

The something in question is Puss in Boots, a 1988 film starring Christopher Walken as the titular talking cat. Yes, it's an actor playing a cat, but it's not animated, and in fact, there are almost no special effects at all. Puss starts out as a real cat, and then sometimes the camera cuts away or does a choppy editing trick, and then instead of the cat it's Mr. Walken. So he's really more of a Puss Who Looks a Lot Like a Man in Boots.

For years, I had a vague memory of having seen this movie during its theatrical release. Throughout my childhood, I would spend a week every summer staying with my aunt Carol, and that annual visit always included a trip to the movie theater to see whatever was playing that was age-appropriate. This is how I saw several Disney classics, and also how I saw a handful of less-than-classics, like Filmation's bizarre Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night.

In 1988, Aunt Carol took me to see Puss in Boots. For a long time, I recalled only a few random details -- Puss taking human form, a scary ogre, a castle... Eventually, the internet entered my life and became The Place Where You Can Find Out Anything About Anything, so I looked up the vaguely-recalled movie. I was amused to learn that Puss was played by Christopher Walken, just six years before Pulp Fiction revitalized his career, and that the production was the work of Cannon Films, a studio famous for making a profit on cheaply-made movies.

Revisiting it on the cheap DVD I bought alongside some Cheetos, I found that almost none of it was familiar to me. I was even surprised to find that it was a musical, although I blame the songs themselves for that. Even now, I struggle to recall the details of them.  Christopher Walken had a song about how happy he was to have his boots. That was a highlight. And there was a boring love song. And... other songs?

The musical numbers are all exactly what you would expect from a studio known for not spending money. There's some fun dancing, but it's not filmed in any kind of visually dynamic way. During that boring love song, I watched as the same static shot went on and until I said out loud "Do something!" When it cut to a different angle, it felt surprisingly exciting.

The ostensible protagonist of the story is Corin, the son of a poor miller. The miller dies and leaves his oldest son the mill, and leaves the middle son some other thing I can't remember, and leaves Corin his cat. The cat proceeds to run off, like cats always do all the time, and instead of hanging out with his brothers at the mill, Corin wanders off after it. Before long, the cat appears in his Christopher Walken form and pesters Corin to buy him some boots. As soon as Corin furnishes the requested footwear, Puss begins to devote all his time and considerable cleverness to improving Corin's life.

Did Corin's dad know his cat could magically morph into a super-helpful Christopher Walken? He couldn't have, or he would have had a nicer mill. Or did the dad receive the same request from Puss, but never got around to making the trip to Foot Locker? It's a pretty great deal for Corin. He buys one pair of boots, and before he knows it, Puss has convinced everyone in the kingdom that he's a revered nobleman, he's engaged to a princess who really digs him, and he's living in a fancy castle.

If you have a cat at home, I recommend buying them a pair of boots, just to see what happens. On the other hand, I've known several cats in my day, and "super-helpful" is not an adjective I would use to describe any of them.

Corin is played by Jason Connery, and yes, he's Sean Connery's son! Unfortunately, he shows no signs of the old Connery charisma. Corin is a pretty bland hero. It's a good thing Puss has just as much screen time as his master, and Puss is played by the always-intriguing Walken. He even gets to sing and dance!

The rest of the cast is fine, including Amnon Meskin as the Ogre who has the power to magically transform into any animal, using effects that are just about as convincing as they need to be. (The Ogre is standing there, and then ZAP! There's a flash of blue light, and there's a bear or a lion! Obviously filmed elsewhere! And matted into the shot!) Meskin does a fine job in a role that mostly involves yelling. Also, I like his ogre hair, which consists of wires sticking out of a bald head.

Then there's Carmela Marner as Princess Vera. I couldn't help but notice she shares a last name with Eugene Marner, the director. Could that have anything to do with her casting? Of all the actors with significant screen time, she's the only one who doesn't seem at all like she's in a period piece. She just plays it like she's a fun-loving gal of the 80s wearing old-timey costumes. And yet, she's charming enough that it doesn't really matter. An out-of-place performance that's fun to watch is always better than a boring one.

I'm not familiar with the original "Puss in Boots" story, so I don't know how authentic this adaptation is. I have read a few old fairy tales that follow a similar path: a magical or extraordinary being pledges loyalty to a normal, boring human and makes the human's dreams come true. But in this movie as in those stories, I found myself asking: Why? What's in it for the cat?

I mean, okay, he got himself a snappy pair of boots.* If somebody gave me a snappy pair of boots, I would at least buy them a snappy candy bar. But Puss quickly repays his debt by finding Corin a place to live and catching a few days' worth of chickens to eat, then goes on to elevate Corin's social status and turn him into a prince. Isn't that overkill?

The climax, if the film could be said to have one, occurs when Corin is pretending to be a noble marquis, and Puss tells Princess Vera's father that Corin owns acres of land and a castle and has a bunch of wine and meat and servants and treasure. The king wants to see all this fancy stuff for himself before agreeing to let his daughter marry Corin, so he and his entourage set out on a road trip to Corin's realm. But WAIT! Corin doesn't have any of that stuff? What's he gonna do?

Spoiler alert: Corin does nothing. Puss runs ahead to the castle, which is owned by the aforementioned ogre, and tricks the ogre into taking the form of a mouse,. Puss then slips back into cat mode and eats the mouse. It occurs to me that he must have done this extremely quickly. What if the ogre had figured out what Puss was doing just at the moment Puss was biting into him? That cat could have ended up with just the tail of a lion or the toe of a bear in his mouth. I bet he'd feel pretty sheepish then.

Then there's a party in the castle, and blah blah blah, musical number, and a happy ending.

Puss in Boots is a perfectly okay family movie. I can't imagine it would hold the attention of most of today's kids, but it's not without its charms. The DVD set it came in also includes another Cannon Films fairy tale adaption, Beauty and the Beast, so stay tuned for my thoughts on Rebecca DeMornay falling in love with a monster-man!

*Once, years ago, I mentioned this movie and my friend Carolyn immediately replied with a reference to Puss's "snappy pair of BOOTS!" So I was waiting for that to come up the whole time, and I was delighted when it did.