Horror Classic 44 of 50: THE AMAZING MR. X
Check out that poster image. That's the best I could find on the entire internet. Mr. X doesn't seem so amazing when he's that small, does he?Man, is this really movie #44? That's insane. What was I thinking, taking on this box set? It's hard coming up with clever ways of describing 50 old movies nobody remembers.
Which is why I'm doing this week's synopsis not in the usual way, but in the style of a 6-year-old trying to explain a movie to you. Take it away, six-year-old!
Synopsis
Um, there's this lady? And her name is Chris but she's not a boy like my friend Chris. It's short for Christine. And, um, she has a sister and her name is Janet, like my mom's friend, and she lives in a big house on the beach, and then she goes to sleep, and then she hears this man going, "CHRIS... CHRIS..." and she thinks it's her husband, but he's dead. I forget how he died.
Um, and then she's gonna go on a date, but then there's this man, and his name is Alexis, but he's not a girl like my friend Chris's sister Alexis. He's kind of like a magician but he doesn't really do any, like, magic tricks, he just reads everyone's mind, but not really, because he's just tricking everyone, and but he has a bird on his shoulder.
Um, so Alexis tells the lady Chris that her husband wants to talk to her even though he's dead, and she believes him, and also Alexis has a moustache. But then Janet and Martin don't like Alexis because they think he's a big fat liar, and Martin is Chris's boyfriend, and then Janet goes to Alexis because she thinks he's just tricking Chris, but then she thinks he's really a magic guy and she then she likes him.
Um, and then Chris finds out that Janet is talking to Alexis, and she gets all mad, and then they both go to Alexis's house and he does this thing where they lock him in a box and he makes magic stuff happen and they hear Paul's voice, and Paul is the name of Chris's husband who is dead, but then Martin and the detective come in, but then they all see Paul, and then Paul is really alive because he's not really dead, and then Paul tells Alexis that he has to marry Janet and take all her money and give some of the money to him or he'll tell everyone that he's not really magic.
Um, and then Chris drinks a glass of milk and Janet and Alexis go to the beach and they kiss and it's gross, and then Chris hears Paul again and she walks outside and falls off the cliff but she doesn't die because Alexis gets her and then Paul is mad at Alexis and then I don't remember what happened and then it was kind of scary when Paul had a gun and then Alexis got shot and then he said he didn't need his bird on his shoulder anymore so he told it to fly out the window. And also there was another guy and he was a detective and I don't remember if I already told you about him.
Is It Scary?
It's certainly moody. There were a few moments that could qualify as scary.
Lessons I Learned
- Don't live near the beach.
- "Psychics" are greedy, manipulative sleazeballs, but they're actually pretty nice guys.
- Janet: "If any husband of mine chased me out into the ocean, I'd shoot him!"
- Alexis, assessing a potential customer: "Hmm... Expensive car. Expensive clothes. I would say no brains and lots of money."
Huh. Just one, I think. That's rare.
Comments
• That kid's synopsis up there didn't do it justice, but this actually wasn't a terrible movie. It was slow moving by today's standards, but the production values were fairly high for a film in this DVD set.
• There's an effect that happens several times when scenes take place at the beach... We get a wide shot of the whole beach, but when the camera cuts in close on the actors, they're obviously standing in front of a rear projection screen with footage of the beach on it. This was especially distracting during the climactic moment when Chris tumbled down the cliff.
• The detective is keen to help Janet and Martin investigate Alexis and expose him as a fraud because he used to be a phony magician himself. As he talks to them, he does this thing where he sort of flips a coin over and over his knuckles on one hand, without ever using the other hand. I wish I could do that!
• Alexis' pet bird was either a crow or a raven. How do you tell the difference?
Letter grade for The Amazing Mr. X: B-. Hmm... Have the letter grades been higher lately? I wonder if I'm getting soft or the movies are getting better.
Next film in the 50-movie set: The Last Woman on Earth. I hope it's the quirky, romantic comedy story of a guy who says of a rival co-worker, "I wouldn't date that chick if she was the last woman on Earth!" and then he's forced to eat his words.
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