Ryan Watches 50 Movies

Will you look at that? I'm so close to the end, and then I skip a week for Thanksgiving, and then I miss another week... What's wrong with me? Well, if you really want to know why I didn't post a movie write-up here on Wednesday, it's because this is the week I compiled the 2008 Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant over on ToughPigs.com. You should check it out; it's highly entertaining. But it took me so long to finish that I decided I never wanted to look at a computer screen again. I may or may not post about Last Woman on Earth before I leave for Texas for Christmas this Wednesday. But here is my solemn vow, and may zombies and psychics strike me down if I fail to live up to it: When I resume watching and posting, I will not take any more breaks until I reach the end.

Check out that poster image. That's the best I could find on the entire internet. Mr. X doesn't seem so amazing when he's that small, does he? Man, is this really movie #44? That's insane. What was I thinking, taking on this box set? It's hard coming up with clever ways of describing 50 old movies nobody remembers. Which is why I'm doing this week's synopsis not in the usual way, but in the style of a 6-year-old trying to explain a movie to you. Take it away, six-year-old! Synopsis Um, there's this lady? And her name is Chris but she's not a boy like my friend Chris. It's short for Christine. And, um, she has a sister and her name is Janet, like my mom's friend, and she lives in a big house on the beach, and then she goes to sleep, and then she hears this man going, "CHRIS... CHRIS..." and she thinks it's her husband, but he's dead. I forget how he died. Um, and then she's gonna go on a date, but then there...

Before we proceed, I want to be certain everyone knows the title of this film is Bloodlust! with an exclamation mark. This puts it in the same category with such motion pictures as Tora! Tora! Tora! and Airplane! and Viva Zapata! As you will see, this film is nearly identical to those three. You may remember last week when I wondered aloud whether the "Robert Reed" listed in the credits for this film would be the same Robert Reed who starred on The Brady Bunch . I think you'll be as delighted as I was to know that yes, in fact, the guy who played Mike Brady stars in this movie running for his life from an insane man with a crossbow. Gee, you just never know what you'll get with this 50-movie pack of "horror classics." One week it's a silly Japanese giant-monster movie from the late 60s, the next week it's a dumb comedy mystery from the 30s, and a few weeks later it's a thriller from 1961 that shamelessly rips off a classic short story. W...

It's only Tuesday morning, but I can tell you right now I'm not going to have a write-up of Bloodlust ready here on Wednesday night. That's for two reasons: 1. I'm going to be flying across the country on Wednesday, and 2. I haven't watched Bloodlust yet! But I'm looking forward to it, especially as the DVD sleeve claims it stars Robert Reed. Could be the same guy who played Mike on The Brady Bunch ? I can't wait to find out, and hopefully to see him fight zombies. I hope everyone has a thoroughly pleasant fourth Thursday of November. And now, in the spirit of Thanksgiving and horror movies, please enjoy this picture I found while doing a Google image search for monster turkey :

A Shriek in the Night stars Ginger Rogers, and was released in 1933. That means it came out two years before Top Hat , which as far as I know was the first musical to co-star Rogers and Fred Astaire. I was genuinely curious to see if there would be any singing or dancing in this movie, but alas, there is none... only shrieking in the night. So, that's too bad. Forty-two movies into this project and I can't even get a musical number. What else can I do to make things more interesting? How about if I write the synopsis in verse? Okay, I'll try that. Synopsis (in verse) Mr. Harker falls out his window Down he plummets -- watch him go! Suicide? Murder? Or accidental? Detective Russell wants to know. Harker's live-in secretary Is quite a pretty dame She's also an undercover reporter! To her this whole thing's like a game Her name is Pat, and she works hard For all the news that's fit But when her rival steals her story She's so mad she could spit! His ...

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hey! Hold the phone for one cotton-picking minute! Hasn't this clown already watched a silly movie called The Gorilla ?" And the answer is: Nope. Several weeks ago I watched The Ape , which is completely different from 1939's The Gorilla . For one thing, The Gorilla stars the Ritz Brothers , a film comedy team from the 1930s. As a guy who's perhaps more interested than most of my peers in movies made before my parents were born, I've long been vaguely aware of the Ritz Brothers, but I'd never seen any of their films, and they seem to have faded into obscurity. I was looking forward to this movie because I was curious about the Ritzes: Do they deserve to stand alongside the Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy, and other greats of their era, or is their "forgotten" status deserved? Synopsis Newspaper headlines scream the top story of the day: A crazed killer called the Gorilla is on the l...

Wow, am I really on movie #40 out of 50? Why, it seems like just 40 weeks ago that I started this venture... or maybe more like 45 or 46 weeks ago, because of all the times I couldn't bring myself to watch and comment on one of these things. But now I'm 4/5 of the way through! And so far, I'm still sane! I think. You may have noticed that the poster over there does not carry the title Monster from a Prehistoric Planet . That's because... well, that's because the poster is in French. But it's also because this film, like many of the "horror classics," has been released under different titles over the years. In Japan, where the movie was produced, it was called Daikyojū Gappa , while the original title for the American release was Gappa, the Triphibian Monsters , which makes more sense, mainly because the monsters in the movie do not come from a prehistoric planet . They come from Earth! In the year 1967, which is when this movie was made! What the heck?...

Check it out: the only image I can find online of a poster for 1932's The Monster Walks is this one in Spanish. The movie's not in Spanish. But check out that monster! It's a giant, partially-evolved man-beast that eats people! This movie's gonna rock! I just know it will... I've never been wrong about any of these "horror classics" before, have I? Synopsis One of the first things I noticed was that the credits included a character named "Exodus" played by an actor named "Sleep 'n' Eat." This gave me an uneasy feeling... the kind of feeling you get when you suspect that you're about to see a cringe-inducing stereotypical African-American character in a movie from the early 1930s. You know that feeling. Anyway, the movie starts with the death of Mr. Nelson. Various associates of his are gathered at his house on this stormy night, including Dr. Nelson's friend and lawyer Mr. Wilkes, Mrs. Krug the servant and her s...

This movie is from 1960, and it's called Tormented . Who will be tormented, and what will be tormenting him or her? As I sat down to watch the film, I couldn't wait to find out. This week, my old pal, fellow movie nerd, and loyal Ryan Watches 50 Movies reader Sara was visiting, so she had the enviable privilege of joining me as I watched an old movie no one's ever heard of. Synopsis Tom Stewart is a jazz pianist, successful enough that he has a concert coming up at Carnegie Hall. (But how will he get there, har har har?) Right now he's spending some time on a lovely island, which has a sunny beach, an impressive old lighthouse, and the tide coming in which drowns out the dialogue in all the scenes shot outdoors. Tom is about to marry his girlfriend Meg, but trouble shows up in the form of his ex, Vi. (When the credits said "JULI REDING AS VI", I wasn't sure if her name would be pronounced "Vie" or "Six.") Vi hasn't quite gotten ove...

Is Roger Corman's 1960 film The Little Shop of Horrors really a horror movie? If you have one, two, or more functioning eyeballs, you should be able to read the tagline on the poster over there: "THE FUNNIEST PICTURE THIS YEAR!" So no, it's not intended as a serious horror movie. There's a monster, and death and stuff, but the movie doesn't take itself seriously for a minute. In fact, it's so amusing that Howard Ashman and Alan Menken turned it into a very funny musical comedy (efficiently dropping the " The " from the title) in 1982, which was later turned into another (highly entertaining) movie. Perhaps someday there will be a serious horror film based on that version, but for now, let's talk about the Corman incarnation of the story. Synopsis The film is narrated faux-noirishly by Sergeant Joe Fink, a no-nonsense cop. He tells us about a case he worked on involving Seymour Krelboin, a sad sack who works at Gravis Mushnick's flower sh...

The World Gone Mad from 1933 is pretty obscure. It's so obscure, in fact, that I couldn't find an image of the poster online. So I made this one. It's the world going mad. Remember last week's movie from the "50 Horror Classics" DVD set, Swamp Women , and how it wasn't really a horror movie? Well, guess what? The World Gone Mad is even less of a horror movie! I'm not sure what genre I'd put it... probably the "men in suits talking a lot" genre. Honestly, I had a hard time following the whole mess, but I'll try my best to sum it up for you. Synopsis Oh heck, where to begin? Okay, so there's this guy named Christopher Bruno, a crooked businessman who works in the Empire State Building. He has a meeting with his buddy Graham Gaines, and he has a very important assignment for Graham: Kill the District Attorney. See, the DA, Avery Henderson, is about to start an investigation that would uncover all the corrupt dealings they and thei...

All right, so... Swamp Women ! This is a 1955 movie directed by Roger Corman, and it's included in a "horror classics" box set, so let's see if I can predict what it's about: a hapless family on a camping trip encounters a tribe of fierce mutants: half-women, half-alligators! Yeah! That sounds awesome! And it's a Roger Corman movie, so it must be something like that. Let's check it out! Synopsis It's Mardi Gras! Or, rather, it's stock footage of Mardi Gras , and it's being watched by Bob and his girlfriend, whose name I never did catch. Bob's in New Orleans because he's an oilman, soon to be looking for a good place to find oil in the swamp. Something like that. Girlfriend begs to go along with him on his trip to the bayou, and he consents, partly because he enjoys her company, but mostly because he enjoys her makeouts. Meanwhile, a police officer named Leigh meets with her captain. They've hatched a plan to track down the ...