Horror Classic 32 of 50: INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN

So, did everyone see where Lon Chaney, Sr. himself commented on last week's entry on his movie The Phantom of the Opera? Yep, despite being dead, the veteran actor has his own Blogger account. And a MySpace! His age is listed as 125. Man, you never know who you'll find on the internet.

While watching Indestructible Man, I honestly wasn't sure whether the title character was played by the elder Chaney or his son Lon Chaney, Jr., also a horror movie actor (best known for The Wolf Man). The credits just say "Lon Chaney," and the movie is from 1956, 31 years after Phantom, so it seemed feasible enough that it could be the old guy. It's not like I would recognize his real face after seeing him in that phantom makeup. But according to both Wikipedia and IMDb, it's Lon Jr., and I guess I'll take their word for it. Unless one of the Chaneys corrects me.

Synopsis
The movie is narrated by a detective named Dick Chasen. With a name like that, you're pretty much destined to be a) a detective, and b) a character in a movie. A notorious criminal, Charles "the Butcher" Benton, has just been executed, and though police lieutenant John Lauden considers the case closed, Chasen still has some questions.

See, the Butcher hid a large amount of stolen money somewhere, but it hasn't been located yet. Furthermore, his accomplices, Sweeny Ellis and Joe Marcelli, are still free, and his lawyer Paul Lowe seems pretty shady too. Though it wasn't explicitly stated, I can only assume that the Butcher's two partners were nicknamed "the Baker" and "the Candlestick Maker." Perhaps a deleted scene featured all three men in a tub.

Dick decides the best way to begin his investigation is to go to a burlesque club and question a dancer. Oh, sure. I'm sure that's absolutely the most logical place to start, and that his interest in the burlesque show is purely professional. Sheesh. He talks to the Butcher's old girlfriend Eva Martin, but she doesn't know anything about anything. So he asks her on a date.

Meanwhile, a scientist named Dr. Bradshaw is conducting an experiment which he believes might be crucial to finding a cure for cancer. He's managed to procure a dead body, and guess whose body it is? It's the Butcher's, of course. So here's the complicated scientific process of Dr. Bradshaw's experiment: He zaps the Butcher's corpse with a crapload of electricity. That's it. That's his brilliant plan. And holy guacamole, is it ever effective! The Butcher comes back to life, but two things are different: 1. He can no longer speak because his vocal cords have been fried, and 2. HE CAN'T BE KILLED! He wastes no time in killing Dr. Bradshaw and his assistant.

Next he turns his attention to Ellis and Marcelli, on whom he had vowed revenge because they testified against him. Look out, guys! Oh, and meanwhile, Dick and Eva go on their date, which includes both of them telling long, boring stories about themselves when all we really want to see is the indestructible man smashing stuff.

The Butcher soon kills again, and steals a car, and now the police are after him, but they haven't figured out that their killer car thief is the same guy who just got executed. Of course, why would they even suspect that? But then they do find out, and detective Chase and Lt. Lauden realize they better do something about it pretty darn quick. But how can they stop a man who can't be hurt by bullets, flames, or a smack in the face? And can they end his rampage before he kills anyone else? (Spoiler: No, they can't.)

Is It Scary?
The movie is not scary, but if I ran into the Butcher in a dark alley, or a light alley, or the soup aisle at H-E-B, I would be pretty terrified.

Lessons I Learned

• Electrocuting a dead man can bring him back to life, but because his cellular structure has become denser, he's no longer human. And he's invulnerable. And he can't talk. I find the science in this film highly suspect.
• There is one way to kill an indestructible man: Electrocute him again.

My Favorite Lines

• Eva: You know something, Dick? I haven't had a hamburger in the front seat of a car with a guy in a lot of years.
• Lt. Lauder: I have a hunch this killer could be our baby.
• Eva: Tell [Lauder] Charles Benton is alive... and not even bullets can stop him!

Body Count
Ten. That's counting both times the Butcher was killed.

Comments
• The premise of this movie would have made for a pretty good X-Files episode, but as a 71-minute film it dragged. This was largely because of its limited budget... a bigger film could have given us more spectacular scenes of the Butcher destroying things, and failing to be destroyed. It would have been cool, for example, to see the Butcher get hit by a train, surviving and smashing the train in the process.

• The title of the movie makes me want to say, "Indestructo... THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN!" in the manner of Conan O'Brien as Moleculo the Molecular Man in that Saturday Night Live sketch.

• There are several very tight close-ups of Lon Chaney's eyes as his stares at things. This is much like Bela Lugosi's eye close-ups in White Zombie. I wonder if Chaney and Lugosi ever got together for staring contests.

• I didn't mention it in the synopsis, but there was a map to the Butcher's stolen treasure, which was hidden in the sewer. I ask you this question: What would be the minimum amount of money for which you would be willing to roam around in the sewer?

• What would you do if you were an indestructible man? You could do anything you wanted to, really -- skydiving, swimming with sharks, eating at White Castle -- without having to worry about any damage to your person. But I wonder, could the Butcher have gotten sick? It was established that needles couldn't puncture his skin, so that could be problematic. I guess I'm okay being a destructible man.

Letter grade for Indestructible Man: C
Next film in the 50-movie set: The Hunchback of Notre Dame