Horror Classic 35 of 50: SWAMP WOMEN
All right, so... Swamp Women! This is a 1955 movie directed by Roger Corman, and it's included in a "horror classics" box set, so let's see if I can predict what it's about: a hapless family on a camping trip encounters a tribe of fierce mutants: half-women, half-alligators!
Yeah! That sounds awesome! And it's a Roger Corman movie, so it must be something like that. Let's check it out!
Synopsis
It's Mardi Gras! Or, rather, it's stock footage of Mardi Gras, and it's being watched by Bob and his girlfriend, whose name I never did catch. Bob's in New Orleans because he's an oilman, soon to be looking for a good place to find oil in the swamp. Something like that. Girlfriend begs to go along with him on his trip to the bayou, and he consents, partly because he enjoys her company, but mostly because he enjoys her makeouts.
Meanwhile, a police officer named Leigh meets with her captain. They've hatched a plan to track down the super-valuable "Nardo diamonds," which were stolen and hidden in the swamp years ago by the Nardo gang. All the men of the Nardo gang have since been zapped in the electric chair, but their womenfolk are in prison together. So all Leigh has to do is go undercover in prison, gain their trust, help them break out of jail, and let them lead her to the diamonds! Easy peasy!
The Nardo gang ladies are three tough-talkin' broads: Josie, the de facto leader of the group, Vera, a feisty redhead, and Billie, a fairly dumb blonde. Leigh infiltrates their Mean Girls club (they're remarkably trusting of the new girl in their cell!), they all bust outta the joint together, and soon they're in the swamp with some supplies and a boat. Unfortunately, their boat springs a leak... but who should come along at that moment but Bob, his Girlfriend, and their guide. How convenient! For the criminal chicks, not for the other folks.
One of the Nardo girls kills Bob's guide, which ticks off Leigh, and soon there's a GIRL FIGHT! Yeah! WOOO! And then that's over and they hijack the boat and take Bob and Girlfriend hostage. It soon becomes clear that all the women in the gang have crushes on Bob.
So now they're all cruising through the bayou on their way to the diamonds, occasionally stopping to glance at stock footage of animals. The next morning, the women decide quite spontaneously to take a knife to their jeans, thus creating cutoffs. YEAH! WOOO! Who wears short shorts? Bloodthirsty criminals wear short shorts! Oh, and later that day there's a GIRL FIGHT!
Then Bob's girlfriend does a stupid thing: She tries to escape. But she falls out of the boat, and soon she's being pursued by a hungry, hungry alligator! Bob jumps in the water and tries to save her, but despite his using his best underwater wrestling moves on a fake alligator (or a dead one?), the girl gets eaten, But he doesn't seem too shaken up about it -- and hey, that's less competition for everyone else! And in fact, Leigh soon reveals her true identity as a cop to Bob, and then they smooch, despite having no chemistry whatsoever.
And then some other stuff happens, and then they find the diamonds (right after a GIRL FIGHT)! And they really are a girl's best friend -- so much so that Billie suggests to Josie that they kill Leigh and Vera so they can keep more of the dough when they fence the ice (that's criminal talk!). Josie's shocked and appalled, but no so much as she is when Vera steals the diamonds and the guns and the man and hides in a tree, all part of a brilliant plan to take all the cash herself.
At this point in the film, we have diamond-stealing women in cutoffs shooting each other and throwing makeshift spears in the swamp while a huge snake attacks the man they have tied to a tree. This is also the point when I realized THIS MOVIE RULES!!!
Is It Scary?
As you've probably guessed by now, this is one of those "horror classics" that's not actually a horror movie at all. So... no.
Lessons I Learned
Three, not counting the alligator or the snake.
Comments
• Bob is played by an actor named "Touch Connors." When I saw this in the credits, I thought this was hilarious. Then I looked at the DVD sleeve, which claims that Touch later changed his name back to the more sensible "Mike Connors" and starred on TV's hit show Mannix. So there you go.
• So, I guess this is an exploitation film, but honestly, it wasn't very titillating. I guess it's assumed that seeing women in cutoffs wrestling each other is exciting, but women pulling a boat through shallow, filthy, mucky swamp water? Let's just say it doesn't float my boat... nor does it pull it through shallow, filthy, muck swamp water.
• Leigh let three people die on her mission to find the diamonds. She's kind of a lousy cop.
• None of the characters are very likable, although Josie seems to have a bit more depth than anyone else. I think this was probably just because actress Marie Windsor was the more talented of the bunch.
Letter grade for Swamp Women: C
Next film in the 50-movie set: The World Gone Mad. Mad, I tell you! MAAAD!
Yeah! That sounds awesome! And it's a Roger Corman movie, so it must be something like that. Let's check it out!
Synopsis
It's Mardi Gras! Or, rather, it's stock footage of Mardi Gras, and it's being watched by Bob and his girlfriend, whose name I never did catch. Bob's in New Orleans because he's an oilman, soon to be looking for a good place to find oil in the swamp. Something like that. Girlfriend begs to go along with him on his trip to the bayou, and he consents, partly because he enjoys her company, but mostly because he enjoys her makeouts.
Meanwhile, a police officer named Leigh meets with her captain. They've hatched a plan to track down the super-valuable "Nardo diamonds," which were stolen and hidden in the swamp years ago by the Nardo gang. All the men of the Nardo gang have since been zapped in the electric chair, but their womenfolk are in prison together. So all Leigh has to do is go undercover in prison, gain their trust, help them break out of jail, and let them lead her to the diamonds! Easy peasy!
The Nardo gang ladies are three tough-talkin' broads: Josie, the de facto leader of the group, Vera, a feisty redhead, and Billie, a fairly dumb blonde. Leigh infiltrates their Mean Girls club (they're remarkably trusting of the new girl in their cell!), they all bust outta the joint together, and soon they're in the swamp with some supplies and a boat. Unfortunately, their boat springs a leak... but who should come along at that moment but Bob, his Girlfriend, and their guide. How convenient! For the criminal chicks, not for the other folks.
One of the Nardo girls kills Bob's guide, which ticks off Leigh, and soon there's a GIRL FIGHT! Yeah! WOOO! And then that's over and they hijack the boat and take Bob and Girlfriend hostage. It soon becomes clear that all the women in the gang have crushes on Bob.
So now they're all cruising through the bayou on their way to the diamonds, occasionally stopping to glance at stock footage of animals. The next morning, the women decide quite spontaneously to take a knife to their jeans, thus creating cutoffs. YEAH! WOOO! Who wears short shorts? Bloodthirsty criminals wear short shorts! Oh, and later that day there's a GIRL FIGHT!
Then Bob's girlfriend does a stupid thing: She tries to escape. But she falls out of the boat, and soon she's being pursued by a hungry, hungry alligator! Bob jumps in the water and tries to save her, but despite his using his best underwater wrestling moves on a fake alligator (or a dead one?), the girl gets eaten, But he doesn't seem too shaken up about it -- and hey, that's less competition for everyone else! And in fact, Leigh soon reveals her true identity as a cop to Bob, and then they smooch, despite having no chemistry whatsoever.
And then some other stuff happens, and then they find the diamonds (right after a GIRL FIGHT)! And they really are a girl's best friend -- so much so that Billie suggests to Josie that they kill Leigh and Vera so they can keep more of the dough when they fence the ice (that's criminal talk!). Josie's shocked and appalled, but no so much as she is when Vera steals the diamonds and the guns and the man and hides in a tree, all part of a brilliant plan to take all the cash herself.
At this point in the film, we have diamond-stealing women in cutoffs shooting each other and throwing makeshift spears in the swamp while a huge snake attacks the man they have tied to a tree. This is also the point when I realized THIS MOVIE RULES!!!
Is It Scary?
As you've probably guessed by now, this is one of those "horror classics" that's not actually a horror movie at all. So... no.
Lessons I Learned
- Never go for a pleasure cruise in the swamp.
- If a new girl shows up in your jail cell, don't tell her all about the escape plan you've been working on for three years, even if she seems really cool.
- Billie, with a suggestively arched eyebrow as she unties Bob so he can eat his dinner: "Enjoy yourself."
Bob: "What's for dessert?" - Josie, after Vera's death: "Funny thing.. She always wanted to kill, kill anything -- and the last thing she did was save his life."
Leigh: "No. The last thing she did was kill a snake."
Three, not counting the alligator or the snake.
Comments
• Bob is played by an actor named "Touch Connors." When I saw this in the credits, I thought this was hilarious. Then I looked at the DVD sleeve, which claims that Touch later changed his name back to the more sensible "Mike Connors" and starred on TV's hit show Mannix. So there you go.
• So, I guess this is an exploitation film, but honestly, it wasn't very titillating. I guess it's assumed that seeing women in cutoffs wrestling each other is exciting, but women pulling a boat through shallow, filthy, mucky swamp water? Let's just say it doesn't float my boat... nor does it pull it through shallow, filthy, muck swamp water.
• Leigh let three people die on her mission to find the diamonds. She's kind of a lousy cop.
• None of the characters are very likable, although Josie seems to have a bit more depth than anyone else. I think this was probably just because actress Marie Windsor was the more talented of the bunch.
Letter grade for Swamp Women: C
Next film in the 50-movie set: The World Gone Mad. Mad, I tell you! MAAAD!
Comments
Thanks for reading!